Screw clothesWithout any real relationships, I was constrained to my own sensuality and imagination. At a certain point in my life, I began staying u... or getting up again late at night to dance naked in my room to a stereo turned quiet enough so that I was the only one in the house to hear it. I would listen to techno music and gyrate as the music commanded. I would listen to the midnight radio show where the DJ answered call-in questions about sexuality. I even told one of the boys from that. I didn't know and couldn't exactly ask her at the moment.For a moment I stood there, paralyzed and unable to think of what to do.Finally I just screamed out, "HELP!"A minute later Alice, Ellen, Theresa and Jimmy all came running into theroom as fast as they could, though Ellen told Jimmy that he should goback to their room so he wouldn't have to see this. However he ignoredher and stood there at the doorway, staring at Tanya with a pair of wideeyes."What happened to her?" Alice demanded,. " She said softly and very tentatively.I didn't blink an eye at this. Good contraceptive charms were like gold these days, there was little non-military magic to spare and our leaders 'encouraged' as much procreation as possible. The death rates were just getting too frightening as this war stretched over generations. Both sides wanted a fresh pool of potential draftees and recruits for the next generation. A pregnant belly was now a ticket out of the war and back home for all female recruits. I set my compact down on the table and look up at my son, wondering, 'How much did your father tell you, Tony?'"Do you remember how I used to watch you comb your hair, mother?" I do, yes." Even as a child he liked to look at me; then, with the onset of puberty, his gazes took on a new meaning."I thought you the most beautiful woman alive. I still do."I smile gently. "Thank you, honey." Was my beauty a curse or a treasure right at this moment? Time will tell.That same hand slips back to my.
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